Matt wants to be friends. He invites me over for dinner and he doesn't need me to bring anything. He has a bottle of wine and a corkscrew that he found on the sidewalk last week. It's my job to open the wine. I put the corkscrew in the cork and I twist it in. I try to pull it out and the handle comes out, but the screw and the cork don't come out. Matt says to try prying the cork out with a knife. I try. The cork stays in. We look up how to get a cork out of a wine bottle and none of the options seem good, especially the one that involves an open flame. We watch a video about it anyway. Matt doesn't have a laptop; he has one of those things like a laptop but the kind where you can't save anything and you're only ever on the internet. He doesn't like saving things and he doesn't like mess. Matt says we'll have to push the cork in. That's also my job. I push the cork in and it doesn't move for a second, but then it moves a lot. The wine sprays out of the bottle and onto our faces and clothes and especially onto the wall. Matt says that it's ok and also that he just moved in and he paid a security deposit.
It's dinner time and we eat our chili and cornbread and we drink our wine and there are tiny pieces of cork in it. After dinner Matt shows me a documentary about typography. This is his seventh time watching it. It's my first. I don't like all of it but I do like the part where a man stands still and points at different fonts on signs around town. It looks like when you think someone is taking your picture but they're actually taking a video. I leave Matt's house and I walk past a grocery store named Stong's and I wonder if the man would have liked to point at that sign.
In October, Matt still wants to be friends. He invites me to a live podcast event on Halloween. I dress up as a bottle of wine. We meet his friends for dinner at a themed restaurant and Matt buys dinner for me, his most important friend. We drive back across town and go to the podcast event. My roommate is there dressed as Indiana Jones. I shouldn't sit with her because I'm here as Matt's friend and I can see her any time but I don't see Matt as often. Matt and I take the bus home. He looks at me and he says he's noticed that I pick at my fingers and he tells me that he picks at his hands. He smiles. He feels very close to me.
Matt reassures me that there are many ways that I can improve my life. I don't need to be so afraid. I can get out of my shell and I can have more fun. When I tell Matt I am doing fine, he is busy looking at the ocean and the sound of the waves is too loud for him to hear me.
I am at a concert and it's a fundraiser and Matt is there. I'm not there because of Matt, I'm there because of Franny, but Franny isn't there so I talk to Matt. I'm tired and I want to leave so I get my coat and Matt walks me to the door. He grabs my arm and says he doesn't want to be friends. He wants to kiss me. I'm tired and I want to leave.
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Laura How (she/her, elle, iel) is a writer, translator, and creative dabbler. Hailing from Tsimshian territory in Northwest BC, she currently makes her home in Tkaronto. In her spare time, Laura can be found playing with textiles (@blue_flax_), looking for a spot to swim, or just resting.